Working out the kinks of BDSM porn

Sure, BDSM might be kinky, but it’s probably a lot more normal than you think.

When you think about BDSM, many different things may come to mind. You may conjure up images of the sleazy, yet inexplicably fetching Christian Grey. Maybe you’re cajoled by the imagery of two old women clad in extra tight PVC that your roommate in college sent you as a cruel joke. Maybe, just maybe, you actually know a thing or two about Sado-masochistic eroticism and you’re a little turned on.

Whatever it is, oftentimes bondage and BDSM porn get a bad rap. ”Despite numerous studies suggesting the contrary, people still seem to look at BDSM as paraphilia, or some kind of unnatural, harmful sex. But in reality- BDSM practitioners suffer fewer types of anxiety and attachment issues. They’re also more apt at responding to non-verbal cues.” Say the all porn experts at Porndoe, a streaming site that offers BDSM porn and other genres. ”Mostly, this perception comes from people who have no familiarity with the genre itself, and may benefit from a closer look before judgement.” While the sexperts do admit that BDSM isn’t for everyone, they say that there is nothing wrong with the people who do like a little kink in the bedroom.

What is BDSM Really?

BDSM, or the practice of engaging in the subcategories of Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism is a pretty big blanket term that nearly anyone with a sexual kink can snuggle up in. It’s important to understand that most BDSM that is depicted in pop culture is rarely representative of the genres in their true form. For many BDSM practitioners, books series like ”50 Shades of Grey” and many comical representations in TV and films are actually damaging to the genre. Often misrepresenting the relationships as abusive.

When most professional and personal BDSM relationships are anything but. BDSM porn can sometimes also be misrepresentative if you don’t get quality films, but Porndoe says that ”BDSM porn can be an incredible teaching tool when it is made and viewed responsibly. Allowing people who are interested, but have never practiced, a glimpse into the genre without having to invest in it.” BDSM done right, requires skill and dedication. As well as a wealth of knowledge and trust. Practitioners must trust their partners implicitly, and rely on them to understand the lines between pain and pleasure. There are numerous boundaries that are involved and strictly respected.

Submissives must trust that their dominant genuinely cares for them and their mental and physical wellbeing. Dominants must care for their submissions more than their own enjoyment of dealing out discipline. The dominant/submissive relationship is about understanding the needs of your partner, and providing them with the care that they are in need of. The line between pleasure and genuine pain can often be a fine tightrope to walk, which is why practitioners must take great care not to violate the trust of their partners.

Dominance and submission are also roles that are agreed upon prior to engaging in BDSM sexual practice, meaning that an open and earnest conversation about expectations and values is a must for anyone looking to engage in this particular type of relationship.

Set Your Mind Free: BDSM Psychology

Numerous studies have been done on the psychological stability of BDSM practitioners, with many suggesting that people who engage in BDSM actually have healthier psychologies than that of a more sexually conservative population. One study is quoted as saying that BDSM practitioners ”either did not differ from the general population and if they differed, they always differed in the more favorable direction”. Through a variety of online questionnaires, researchers found that BDSM porn fans and practitioners were more extroverted, less anxious, and far less sensitive to public rejection or attachment issues.

They also reported higher levels of general wellbeing and more secure interpersonal attachments, outside of their BDSM habits. There was also a wide variance in the roles that sex played- one that is often left out in pop cultural references.

In this particular study, statistics show us:

  • 33% of men reported being submissive
  • 48% dominant
  • and 18% ”switch”, which means they enjoy either role.
  • With 75% of females reporting submissive roles
  • 8% dominant
  • 16% switch

Submissives were also shown to score higher in psychological health tests than their more conventional counterparts- suggesting the psychological benefits extend to all levels of the BDSM community.

So, while gay BDSM and straight BDSM may still be highly stigmatized, both in the social context as well as listed in the DSM as a paraphilia, the reality is that it may be a healthier kink than it is a psychosis. Showing that practitioners are more comfortable in their own sexuality and their own skin than many others.

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